I postponed writing my usual sem-ender post because when I made my first attempt at it, the semester had not technically ended yet. Hence, I decided to write it the following day only to find myself tired and sleepy coming home after the annual college thanksgiving party which our batch hosted. I spent the following days thereafter allowing myself some much needed rest after an exhausting semester.
Even now I still smile with amazement at the realization that, despite failures, discouragements and exam(s) I will have to retake, I was able to finish my first semester in medical school with my sanity intact. And I do not give myself credit for that. I owe my victory to my Lord Jesus Christ who has sustained and carried me from beginning until end.
When I look back at the things that happened this year and the year before, I cannot shake off the horrible feeling that comes with reminiscing the past. What a terrible year it has been- beginning from our thesis sampling in Negros until a few weeks before the end of the current semester. In that duration I experienced the consequences of passivity and flirting, lost regard for the church I so dearly loved, drowned in the sea that was schoolwork and thesis, failed to get in the dean’s list for the first time and returned the following semester after working so hard, had my hopes up for my dream medical school only to end up being told that I could not apply for it, drank with classmates during a school trip, discovered a lot of things about my friends (a lot of which were heartbreaking), contemplated on forsaking Christianity, lost a friend in a motorcycle accident, fell in love and had my heartbroken (it was not mutual and he chose my friend over me), failed modular exams, lost friends and gained friends, second-guessed my decision of entering medical school, and doubted myself if I was fit for the career I am heading towards and contemplated whether or not to go on. I cannot say that things are great right now but they are better and I am hoping for greater things ahead. It is only by God’s sovereign and generous grace that I have not lost the faith (I was very close). It is only by His grace that I am still walking forward, albeit in slow and small steps.
I turned 21 this year, by the way. I am now officially an adult although it does not feel like it yet. Maybe it will come around eventually. Maybe not… as long as I am still living with my parents. I am determined though to show some degree of adultness and independence in ways that I can like being more conscious about tracking finances and insisting to do things without parental assistance e.g. applying for valid IDs, getting a haircut, driving the car on my own, etc. (high-five, Jad!). Ok, I know those are not much but at least I am taking baby steps, right? Pun unintended. Or I might try getting in a relationship next year or something. I hear it is a trend among people my age these days. Lol. Kidding aside, I am considering the possibility of dating but that is not really a priority given that I already have a jealous lover (read: medical school) and I am still finding the task of juggling my priorities quite a challenge. To be more precise, I realize lately that I still have not gotten used to being a medical student (apparently, wearing the uniform does not change one’s mentality.. for me, at least) and that is something I am and ought to be consciously working on.
So, in not so many words, those were the things that consisted the year 2016. It was a lot for my inexperienced heart to handle, but thank God, I pulled through. Battered, scarred, but a little stronger, bolder, and if I may say, wiser than the person I was before. I cannot say with confidence that I am ready to face whatever it is that the coming year has in store for me but I have a big God and in Him I am well secured.
To the Lord Almighty be glory alone!