I will admit that my initial excitement for med school came from the high regard there is of the pursuit that is medical practice. But now that I am actually in it, I feel ashamed to have viewed this course in a shallow manner. Medical school is more than just wearing the uniform and being called doctor. It is days and nights of reading, studying, and stressing over exams and requirements. It is going over a paragraph in a textbook again and again because you can’t understand it. It is days of second-guessing yourself and feeling inadequate. It is missing rendezvous with friends and putting on hold passions and plans. It is postponing vacations and giving up hindrances and distractions regardless of how entertaining and pleasurable they are.
I wish I had known these things before I came here. I wish somebody told me the price I have to pay in this pursuit. Right now, I feel ill-prepared for med school’s many demands. I feel incompetent in comparison to my classmates. Suddenly, I don’t feel so smart anymore. Every time somebody calls me doc I cringe inside because I have a long way to go yet before becoming that person worthy of such title. When I think about my parents investing on my books, I panic inside thinking what if I don’t make it? What if I don’t have what it takes to finish this? All the confidence (arrogance) I had during the first day- when I thought to myself that I can do it, that I can make it to the top, too- vanished and all that is left in me is this meager amount of determination to make it through the next day.
This is not an easy journey.
But here I am and I trust that the Lord has placed me here for His purpose. This is where I should be.
Help me, God.