Goodbye, This is Not

I’ve been staring at the blank page for two hours now. Unsure of what to write. Unsure of how to begin.

Honestly, a tiny part of me still wishes to receive a text message telling me that the news I’ve received last night was a mistake and that she was still alive, but visiting her Facebook wall tells me otherwise. There is no mistake. There will be no text message telling me that she’s still struggling for her life.

So soon.

So sudden.

I wish I knew why she was taken away at such a young age. She just turned 22 last month. There was still so much she wanted to do with her life. There was still so many things she hoped to accomplish and so many places to travel in her lifetime.

I wonder if I had convinced her to stay, would she still be alive? If I had prayed steadfastly for her, would she have avoided the accident? If I had called back, would things be different? If I had fasted for her, would she have lived? I know that nothing in this world happens if it wasn’t allowed by God. Nevertheless, I wonder if there was anything I could have done to change things. I wish it wasn’t so soon. I wish things had turned out differently.

Yesterday morning, her mom told me she remembered me. She remembered that I was going to graduate soon. I remember the time when we were going to Thailand. She told me prior the trip that she was excited for me and she wondered why I didn’t share the sentiment. She was always more excited than me when it came to things. Even if it didn’t have anything to do with her. I remember our “table talks” and that one time when she told me she wanted to fall in love. I remember that time she laughed so hard she couldn’t breath because I showed her a video of myself dancing. The last time I spoke to her, I don’t remember what we talked about. All I remember was the interruption and the call that never came back. I didn’t hear from her after that. The next thing I heard was the news of her accident and her fight for her life. And now, she’s gone.

I am sad.

It’s just that it feels different when you know that someone is far away and alive. It’s another thing when the person is far away and gone forever. The former is less painful. More tolerable. More comforting.

I wish I did better.

But alas, I can not do better and there will be no next time to do better.

I was going to end this post with a sad note but then I remembered the song I listened to last night after I heard the news. I guess it is comforting to remember that although it is sad that I won’t be seeing my friend anymore, she is with the Lord now and that is infinitely a far more better place than here.

Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere (Psalm 84:10).

The Bible says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16).”

Everlasting life without pain, suffering, and death.

Everlasting life together with the Lord.

What could be more better than that?

I will miss her. Definitely.

But for the person who puts her hope in the Lord, death is merely a transition from this life to the next.

Christians do not need to fear death.

It is not death to die.

It is not death to die
To leave this weary road
And join the saints who dwell on high
Who’ve found their home with God
It is not death to close
The eyes long dimmed by tears
And wake in joy before Your throne
Delivered from our fears

O Jesus, conquering the grave
Your precious blood has power to save
Those who trust in You
Will in Your mercy find
That it is not death to die

It is not death to fling
Aside this earthly dust
And rise with strong and noble wing
To live among the just
It is not death to hear
The key unlock the door
That sets us free from mortal years
To praise You evermore


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s