Stay. Don’t stay. Work. Don’t work. Take a master’s degree. Pursue a medical career. Take a break. Don’t take a break. Travel. Don’t travel. Marry. Don’t get married. The list goes on. I suppose these are some of the things to consider when one is nearing the end of undergraduate study.
To put it simply: What do I do with my life?
Fortunately for me, that question is something I no longer struggle with. At the moment, the goal is plastered in my mind. The picture is clear. It is the path I’m unsure about. But I suppose, the trail will reveal itself as I continue to walk along my journey… considering how the Lord orchestrated everything to take me, lead me into this very point of my existence. It is a different question I’m struggling with and that is whether or not I should stay. And more importantly, why. The desire to leave is and has always been in me since I graduated high school. Even now, when I’ve finally relented to my parents’ decision that I study here, I still feel the urge to spread my wings and take flight every time I find myself in conversations about leaving home.
Honestly, I don’t know why I ought to still be here for another four years. I don’t have the slightest clue what the Lord has in store for me in this city that He should keep me from leaving. Maybe my best friend is right: perhaps this is more for His purpose or maybe for other people than it is for me… my staying, that is.
I face a great cloud of unknown.
Sometimes I look forward to it. At most times, I fear it. Fear that I won’t make it. That I won’t be good enough. That I realize, in the middle of things, that there’s something else I want to pursue. That I made the wrong choice. Et cetera et cetera.
So this is a glimpse of what adult life consists of.
I was right. There is reason to be anxious of growing up.
I wish I was a kid again.
Everyone grows must grow up.
That includes me.