Personal

I once read a quote that said: You wouldn’t appreciate the lesson if there was no pain. I say that’s a lie. You don’t have to go to jail to realize that stealing is wrong. You don’t need to have your family broken to know that having an affair is not right. You don’t need to get pregnant before marriage at an early age to know the heavy responsibility and obligation parenting entails. You don’t need to experience the pain for yourself to appreciate the lesson carried along with it. You only need to look at the adverse effects it has on the people involved. Maybe it’s true that experience is a cruel teacher, that it gives the test first before the lesson, but there are more than enough lives in which we could look at to learn lessons from. We just have to be wise. 

And I was unwise. More than once. Many times I found myself lingering in places I shouldn’t be in. I found myself being part of conversations I am not entitled to. I have done things, participated in things I am not proud of and what breaks my heart more is that I was already a Christian when I did those things. To commit something grave apart from grace is one thing. To commit it within grace i.e. “already saved” is another. Sometimes the things I do haunt me at night and I couldn’t sleep. Most of the time they visit me during the day and they tease me– appearing out of nowhere and reminding me of what I said or what I did or what had happened. And it breaks my heart because there’s nothing I can do anymore to change the past. I can’t go back and tell myself to do otherwise. There are no undo buttons in life.

But it is in these same moments too that God’s grace becomes most real to me, His forgiveness most appraised, His mercies most relished: that He would still forgive a rebellious fool like me despite the things I’ve done. 

That I may live a life worthy of Christ’s death.

That I may live a life pleasing unto the Lord.

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