Personal

Rainy Season

This year’s Valentine’s season is rainy…well, for me, that is.

I almost forgot what struggle and pain felt like until I was ran over by a cargo truck full of intense emotions when I opened a door a few days ago. I have always known what was inside that door. I hear its voice call out to me from time to time during worship practices, fellowships, and Bible studies sessions. It was only now that I looked inside and allowed another person to see. It went downhill from there.

I can’t say it doesn’t hurt because it does.

I didn’t think it would hurt, but it did.

I suppose calling the thing as it is, however humiliating it may be, is the first step to healing. I was mistaken. I misunderstood the entire thing. I flew a certain distance only to discover later along the way that there was nothing waiting for me on the other side. But more than the feeling of wanting, it was the craving to be wanted the same way that kept this thing going on. What started out as mere fangirling turned out into this horrible greedy monster that lives just to consume and consume.

I praise and thank God for calling my attention to this monster inside me.

If it weren’t for the b*tchslap, I probably would have indulged in this madness longer.

There are lots to learn and unlearn.

It will take time just as everything else in life.

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