Lately, I’ve been really on fire for something.
I have spent much of my time doing things related to that something. Never before have I been that interested over something that for the first time I actually made sure to walk the extra mile whenever I can just to involve myself with it.
It’s a fulfilling experience– to finally find something I can invest myself in and know that it isn’t going to be in vain.
While it has been an awesome ride ever since I began doing what I’ve been doing, I can’t help but assess my motivations though. Why am I doing what I’m doing? Why do I invest so much of myself in such activities? What drives me into doing what I’m doing?
Perhaps I’m overthinking things but right things done for the wrong reasons are still, well, wrong. Motives. Motives are everything. Especially in this “thing” I’ve involved myself in. Other people may not know the reason why I do the things I do, but there is Someone else who does. People may not see my heart, but He does. He sees and knows me with all transparency that all attempts of disguising and even if hiding myself to the deepest and farthest corners of the earth would be in vain.
He sees my heart and I fear that though I had the best intentions for doing what I am doing, he might be seeing otherwise.
Oh God, if what I am doing hinders me from truly getting to know you, if I don’t gain you in all these things, give me the strength to forsake them all. You know my heart more than me but in my limited knowledge of it, this I can be sure of: I desire to desire you. Give me the wisdom, Oh God, and the strength to lose everything to have you. Amen.